I’ve never been one for small talk. I’m quite bad at it, actually. Every time I “go out” whether to an event, party, or gathering, it always begins the same way. I stand in a room full of people and am acutely aware that every opening conversation is dominated by this question, “So what do you do?”
We seek to understand and define people by their doing in the world. Yes, literally, and for some reason, we default to categorizing and ranking the entire worth of the people we meet based on what they “do.” And I think that seriously dehumanizes us!
Does what you do matter more than who you are? Absolutely not! What you do is only a small fraction of who you are as a human being. And to be frank, I don’t care what you do or what you own. I just want to know who someone is. I want to know their uniqueness, the experiences they’ve had and the lessons they’ve learned. These are the questions I wish people discussed at happy hour.
There are over seven billion people in this world and everyone’s perspective is entirely unique to them. Their entire life journey including upbringing, challenges, their hard-learned lessons, experiences, achievements and gifts, are all a series of footprints that have brought your interaction with them to this very moment in time…which is pretty rad!
Life is just a tapestry weaving people in and out of your life. The question is, will you be bold enough to ask about their life and be patient and present enough to receive the answers?
As I enter my 29th year on this earth, I’ve spent time reflecting over the biggest lessons I’ve learned this year. More things that make me who I am that have become a part of my story. It’s my gift to you. And if you ever catch me at happy hour, feel free to chat with me about them.
1. Commit yourself to making lots of mistakes. –The biggest mistake you can make is doing nothing because you’re too scared to make a mistake. My dad once said, “you can always make more money, but you can’t make more time.” In life, it’s rarely about getting a chance; it’s about taking a chance. You’ll never be 100% sure it will work, but you can always be 100% sure doing nothing won’t work. Most of the time you just have to go for it! And no matter how it turns out, it always ends up just the way it should be.
2. Find hard work you love doing. – If I could offer my freshman year of college self some real career advice, I’d tell myself not to base my career choice on other people’s ideas and salary expectations. I kick myself a lot for not pursuing a degree in Art, Journalism, or History, but instead pursued something that I thought would be make me the most “successful." Only for ten years later to be told, “you should sell your artwork.” When I am writing or creating, I can work for hours and hours without food or a break because I love what I am doing.
3. Invest in your future every day. – When you invest in yourself, you can never lose, and over time you will change the trajectory of your life. I write frequently on different topics to constantly grow, learn, and build my portfolio. I began writing on corporate wellness years ago because it is my dream job. And because I didn’t have any career experience, I had to create my own and prove that I was knowledgeable on the subject. Always always always develop yourself- even if you’re not getting paid for it.
4. Explore new ideas and opportunities often. – Your natural human fears of failure and embarrassment will sometimes stop you from trying new things- like entering a huge bike race you know you have zero chance of winning! Often times when I create a “daring” goal, people look at me like I’m nuts. Like “Why would you even do that if you won’t do well?” But you must rise above these fears and shut the projected fears of others out, for your life’s story is simply the culmination many small, unique experiences. And the more unique experiences you have, the more interesting your story gets. Seek as many new life experiences as possible and be sure to share them with the people you care about. Not doing so is not living. Isn’t it far better to get to the end of your days knowing you got out there instead of preserving your fragile ego?
5. People are not mind readers. Tell them what you’re thinking. I’m a Sagittarius, so being direct and honest is my middle name. I would never say anything in an offensive way, but I do speak my mind. Why? Because people will never know how you feel unless you tell them. Your boss? Yeah, he doesn’t know you’re hoping for a promotion because you haven’t told him yet. Your boyfriend? Yeah, he has no idea he upset you the other night by something he said, and you ignoring him and being short until he asks you what's wrong isn’t going to help your relationship. In life, you have to communicate with others. And often, you have to open your mouth and speak the first words. You have to tell people what you’re thinking. It’s as simple as that. And regardless of how receptive they are to it, you will have far less stress by being true to your thoughts. I guarantee it.
6. Stop waiting and take immediate action. – There is no such thing as a new idea, it’s just who is the first one to it. Either take action and seize the moment or someone else will. You can’t make any change, find love, or purpose, if you keep sitting back and waiting for it to magically fall into place. Life isn’t a movie, folks.
7. Accept and embrace change. – One of the best pieces of advice ever given to me by mom was that 'life is a bell curve.' There will be times where it is at a peak and feels uncomfortable, but you have to know that it WILL come back down. However good or bad a situation is now, it will change. That’s the one thing you can count on. So, breathe- and embrace change as it comes. It won’t always be easy or obvious at first, but in the end it will be worth it.
8. Don’t worry too much about what other people think about you. –I have to repeat this one to myself a LOT. Mostly because the one thing I cherish in this life is my character. If someone doubts it, it really bothers me. But people are people and unless you’re trying to make a great first impression (job interview, first date, etc.), don’t let the opinions of others stand in your way. What they think and say about you isn’t important. What is important is how you feel about yourself. I know in my heart that I try to be the best human I possibly can be each day- and that is enough for me.
9. Sit alone in silence for at least ten minutes every day- without technology. – Use this time to think, plan, reflect, and dream. Creative and productive thinking flourish in solitude and silence. Also, you'd be amazed at how much you are holding your breath during the day. Get in tune with your body.
10. Exploit the human resources you do have access to. –You’ve heard the phrase “it’s all about who you know.” This holds true in many areas of life. Take time getting to know people and see everyone you meet as a potential resource for down the road.
11. Live below your means through essentialism, not minimalism. – Live a comfortable life, not a wasteful one. Do not spend to impress others. While reading the “Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up” was a great read on minimalism, it fails to hit the point of essentialism. Downsize all you want to, sell the shirt off your back, get a tiny house or a sprinter van, but if the remaining items you do have aren’t essential to your happiness…what’s the point? If having a super fancy bike is important to your happiness because it makes your riding more enjoyable, buy the super fancy bike. It’s essential. Just don’t buy ten and never use them.
12. Be respectful of others and make them feel good by having awareness skills. – In life and business, it’s not so much what you say that counts, it’s how you make people feel. My mom taught me from a young age to have a basic awareness for others at all times. If we saw someone at the grocery checkout who was having issues with their card going through, we immediately stepped in and covered it. I don’t say that as a humble brag, I say that because everyone needs some good luck sometimes. We’ve all been there and know the sinking feeling in your stomach that creates. Be aware, and if you can, save someone from embarrassment and be a blessing to them that day.
13. Trust your gut.—Your intuition is usually right about people. I once made a few hiring mistakes in a business because I hired- and trusted- the wrong people. My gut told me not to during the initial interviews, but I was convinced my superior that they were good candidates. And because this person had more experience than I did, I put aside my own suspicions and went with their decision….one of the worst decisions I’ve ever made.
And the most important lesson of them all….
14. Be who you were born to be. – Fun fact. I used to have a blog many years ago- and with some success. But I one day got rid of it entirely and said, “who am I to be writing on things and why in the world would anyone care what I have to say? It’s not like I’m important or have done anything that matters.” On social media, I hid who I was because, let’s face it, nobody is interested in watching some girl take freezing plunges into rivers or doing weird barefoot hiking. Kim K.’s butt is far more fascinating. But it was only recently that my mentor said, “Hoots, you’re pretty cool. You should show that side of you more. The right people will care.” You must follow your heart and be who you were born to be. I am acutely aware that I was born to be different- and at times a bit extreme. Regardless of what you decide to do in your lifetime, you better feel it in every fiber of your being. Don’t waste your life living up to someone else’s dreams and desires for what they think a “perfect life” should look like.
But above all, laugh when you can, apologize when you should, and let go of what you can’t change. Life is short, yet amazing. Enjoy the ride. Here’s to 2020 and my last year in the 20s.
XX,
Hoots