Too often we judge people too quickly, or too subjectively. We tell ourselves stories about them without thinking it through, letting our perceptions and biases get the best of us. But
what we tell ourselves about others - and what we think we know - is often far from the truth.
I have learned never to assume anything anymore- regardless of what someone’s Instagram account portrays. In my early twenties, I went through major depression. What made it even more challenging was that nobody believed me when I said had no desire to live. Having no previous history of mental illness, they told me I was being dramatic and that I was just having a bad day. On the outside looking in, I was living a "charmed life" when the reality was that I felt like I was carrying the weight of the world.
Fortunately, through the power of prayer and turning everything over to God, I made a 180 one day and never looked back. I told myself that never would I let someone struggle alone and to never assume anything about someone’s life…the latter is easier said than done, especially in the arenas of career and sports.
And with that in mind, I’m sitting here on a Monday reflecting on all the little things we have to stop assuming about other people, for their sake and ours…
1. We need to stop assuming that the happiest people are simply the ones who smile the most. – Behind the polite smiles and extroversion people give off, some are hurting and lonely. Don’t just come and go. See them. Care. Share. Listen. Love. We can’t always see people’s pain, but they can always feel our kindness. So be kinder than necessary.
2. We need to stop assuming that the people we love, and respect won’t disappoint us. –At times, the confident lose confidence, the patient misplace their patience, the generous act selfish, and the informed second-guess what they know. It happens to all of us. We make mistakes, we lose our tempers, and we get misled. We stumble, we slip, and we fall. But that’s the worst of it… we have our moments. Most of the time we’re pretty incredible, despite our flaws.
3. We need to stop assuming that the people who are doing things differently are doing things wrong. – We all take different roads seeking fulfillment, joy, and success. Just because someone isn’t on your road, doesn’t mean they aren't on the right road for them.
4. We need to stop assuming that the people we disagree with don’t deserve our compassion and kindness. – The exact opposite is true. The way we treat people we strongly disagree with is a report card on what we’ve learned about love, compassion, kindness and humility.
5. We need to stop assuming that we can’t trust people we don’t know. – Some people build too many walls in their lives and not enough bridges. Don’t be one of them. Open yourself up. Take small chances on people. Let them prove your doubts wrong, gradually, over time.
6. We need to stop assuming that the rude people of the world are personally targeting us. – This is known as the storyteller’s mind. If left to our own demise, we can come up with all kinds of stories for why someone is being rude to us and take it personally. But rarely do people do things because of us. They do things because of them. And there is a huge amount of freedom that comes to us when we detach from other people’s behaviors.
7. We need to stop assuming that other people are our reason for being unhappy, single, unsuccessful, etc. – We may not be able control all the things people say and do to us, but we can decide not to be reduced by them. We can choose to forgive, or we can choose to forget. We can choose to stay, or we can choose to go. We can choose whatever helps us grow. There’s always a positive choice to make. Thus, the only real, lasting conflict you will ever have in your life won’t be with others, but with yourself… and how you choose to respond.
From a young age, my mother always told me that if I were to remember one lesson from her life here, it’s “blessed are the peacemakers.” Granted, I recently told her that her method works when you are ten years old on the playground, but not always when you’re an adult and sometimes peace isn’t a realistic outcome. What you can do in those times is gain perspective. So, we swapped “blessed are the peacemakers” for “Be bigger, think bigger.”
Imagine a toddler who doesn’t get she wants. She throws a tantrum! This small, momentary problem is enormous in her little mind because she lacks perspective on the situation. As adults, we know better. But when someone offends us, we suddenly revert back to our childish ways and want to post, tweet, scream, and stonewall (in my opinion, the most childish way to handle a situation). However, if we think bigger, we can see that this small thing matters very little in the grand scheme of things. It’s not worth our energy.
Remind yourself this holiday season to never assume what you don’t know, and strive to “be bigger, think bigger,” and broaden your perspective.